Aliens

I am an alien in a foreign land.  I am a crocodile among alligators (pardon the Family Guy reference).  I am...

... a single woman in the Church.

You may laugh, but I have found it to be a real issue.  I am now 28 years-old.  I am a high school teacher.  I have never been married, nor do I have children.  Where do I fit?

College groups are focused on just that: college.  Young men and women are taught how to avoid the pitfalls and temptations found at many schools of higher education.  They play ultimate frisbee and sport "True Love Waits" rings while searching for THE ONE that God will bring into their lives.  As I enter my late twenties, I find that I cannot connect with these groups.  Our focuses, our desires, and our interests are different.  I have nothing against college groups, but they are no longer for me.  I know that many churches have started 20-somethings groups, rather than college groups.  I like this idea very much.  Unfortunately, there is not a group like this at the church I attend.

I've tried many women's groups at different churches to no avail.  I sit in silence while these lovely women discuss their husbands and children.  I listen as they encourage each other in ways to put their husbands first and be more patient with their children.  Again, I have nothing against women's groups, but I cannot contribute to them.

Many churches have started singles groups: this is a step in the right direction.  I am blessed to be at a church that recognizes this need.  I have gone to this group twice, and each time, I was the youngest person there by at least twenty years.  I am glad that older singles have a chance to mingle and mix and be, but I don't seem to fit there, either.

Singles can't catch a break listening to Christian radio, either.  Most of the DJs are married, and they share cute stories about their children's antics and sweet anecdotes of what their husbands do for anniversaries and birthdays.  They promote "Authentic Marriage" week and "Love Your Spouse" week.  People call in about how the music they play has revolutionized their marriage.  In all my years of listening to Christian radio, I have heard one song by an unmarried person about waiting for God's best.  The song wasn't even that good!

I am not just talking about a desire to "find a man".  I am talking about a genuine connection with people of both genders.  Being my age and coming from a small town (not to mention a Bible college), most of the people I know are married and/or having children.  I'm very happy for them, but it's not like we can go to movies on a whim or go out for dinner on a Tuesday night (when there are teacher discounts!).  Babysitters must be acquired.  Early curfews are an absolute must.  Being home to spend time with the hubby after a hard day at work is much more desirable than going to a crowded restaurant or coffee shop.  It's not impossible to be friends with married women, but our priorities are different.

And, although it's not my focus, there is the issue of the male gender.  I would love to be married and having children, but it doesn't seem to be in the cards right now.  I have also found that I know very few unmarried Christian men.  In fact, I know one.  The dating pool is not very large.

Authentic Christian men are extraordinarily hard to find.  I have tried different dating sites - including the one that is the go-to site for Christians.  I had a couple of guys who wanted to marry me after two weeks, which was completely scary and crazy.  You can't possibly be ready to spend the rest of your life with someone after filling out a couple questionnaires and exchanging pleasantries via email.  The others I met had expectations of me not in line with Biblical standards.  How can you say you desire a godly woman and then expect her to have sex with you after 1-2 dates?  I swear I'm not exaggerating!

I know this seems like a giant list of complaints, but I honestly don't mean it to be.  I am genuinely concerned about this problem in the Church.  I cannot be the only single woman in her late twenties left in America.  I attend a church with a large and diverse congregation, so why was I the only young woman at the singles group?  Why are marriage and family the only topics discussed when Christian women get together?  Why is it that, when the Church does speak to and about single people, it's only in reference to preparing for marriage?

I realize that none of these things are done intentionally, but I feel alienated.  I feel cut off and alone.  If the Church doesn't step up and address these issues, I'm afraid we will lose an entire generation of people like me: people who are so tired of not knowing where we belong.  The Church is supposed to be a place of welcome and refuge and safety.  Instead, I tune out every time there's another sermon about marriage.  I feel that singleness is treated like a disease that must be cured by marriage.  We have gifts, talents, and insights to offer.  We're not asking to be set-up; we want to be accepted as the single people we are and find our place in the Body of Christ.

God's Daughters: Eve, Part 2 - The Promise

Even as God meted out punishment for Adam and Eve's sin, He provided them with a hope for the future. Before God pronounced the consequences of their sin, He turned to the deceiver. In Genesis 3:15, God says to the serpent, "And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel."

Many biblical scholars believe that this was a prophecy about the coming Messiah - God's plan to redeem humanity. I don't think that anything we do surprises God. He knew that Judas was the one who would betray Him, but Jesus still washed the traitor's feet. I haven't found any Bible story in which God was stumped by something. He must have known that the humans He had created would esteem a serpent's advice above His loving guidelines. Instead of leaving them in their sin, God already had a plan in mind. He knew that He would one day send His own Son to suffer and die - to pay the price for humanity's sin - and to defeat the enemy once and for all.

God's incredible mercy is so amazing to me. Eve had sinned. Period. And yet, before her judgment was given, Eve knew it was through her line that salvation would come. She had given into the serpent's temptation, but her offspring would one day resist the serpent and crush his head. Her offspring would provide a more secure salvation - one dependent upon His perfect nature and not fragile humanity.

Adam and Eve's relationship with God was balanced upon a point: if they stayed away from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, they were safe. They had one rule to obey. It may seem easy to us, but anyone who has ever spent time with children knows that the forbidden is always an attractive option. In my babysitting adventures, I've learned never to tell a child to stay away from something. The moment your back is turned, he is on the move. Some people might ask, "If God didn't want them to disobey, why did He put that tree in the Garden?" I would counter with this question: is it really free will if you don't have a choice? God wanted a relationship with living, moving, breathing beings - not mindless robots. We had to be able to choose whether or not we desired that relationship.

When Jesus paid the price for our sin, He removed the barrier that existed between humans and God. The legacy of sin that began with Eve's mistake was ended with Jesus' sacrifice. Our salvation became based upon His death and resurrection rather than anything that we could ever do. Mistakes can never again alter our standing with God.

In the meantime, Eve had to face the consequences for her sin. I'm sure many of us know what those consequences were. I want to look at what happens next...

In Genesis 3: 20, Adam went back to doing what he had been told to do: naming all of creation. He gave Eve her title. If you'll notice, she had never been referred to by name until that point. "Eve" is actually the feminine form of the Hebrew word for "life." They had just experienced spiritual death (separation from God), and it had basically been Eve's fault. Yet, her husband still gave her a moniker that means "life."

Eve is also the first person on record to use the name of God. In Dr. Friedman's translation of Genesis 4:1, she gives birth to a son and says, "I've created a man with YHWH." Eve knew that she and God had worked together to produce this miracle. Clearly, she still felt an intimate link with her Creator.

Despite her circumstances, Eve's love for her Father never changed. She must have known that all was not lost. The one who had led her astray was not going to be allowed to reign over her children forever. Her loving God could bring good out of the mess she had made. Of course, we know how it turns out.

We all feel alone and abandoned sometimes. There are moments when we think that God is distant. Imagine how Eve must have been feeling, but she didn't let it beat her. This daughter of God kept pressing in - cultivating a precious connection with God that would sustain her through numerous hardships.

Whatever you are facing in your life, I encourage you to do the same. Don't let the mistakes of your past determine the course of your life. You are never far away from Him - just turn around, and there He is. Let your heavenly Father wash away the sting of what has happened and refresh you in His glorious light.

Friedman, Richard E. (2001). Commentary on the Torah with a New English Translation and the Hebrew Text. New York: HarperCollins Publishers.

God's Daughters: Eve, Part 1 - The Fall

I’m sure many of us are familiar with the story of Adam and Eve. Even if we aren't religious, we know the story inside and out. Adam was alone, God created Eve, Eve sinned, Adam sinned, women are cursed, the end. That’s that, right?

This story has been the justification for the mistreatment of women for years. There are those who believe that because Eve tempted Adam to sin, all women are inferior, weak, and easily overcome. Some cite this account as the beginning of misogynistic tendencies in the Christian Church.

I wish I could say that these allegations of misconduct toward women are invalid, but I cannot. What I can say is that I know this was never God's plan. I believe that the abuse and the manipulation of His daughters hurt God more than it could ever hurt us. I know how much my earthly father loves me and how angry he would be if anyone hurt me, and I can't help but see my heavenly Father reflected in that.

Eve messed up. There's no denying that fact, but maybe we can shed some light on this situation. In my last post in this "series" (God's Daughters: The First Woman), I left off just after the creation of woman. I want to pick up right there.

In Genesis 3, Satan, in the guise of a snake, approaches the woman. Now, why did he approach the woman first? I have actually heard it postulated that, because the woman is the "weaker vessel", Satan found her an easier target than the man.

I don't buy that for a second.

The first thing the snake said was, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'" (Genesis 3:1)? This question is very revealing in a couple of ways. Most importantly, it was a challenge to Eve. What he was really asking was, "Is God so unjust that He won't let you eat any of this delicious-looking fruit?" It was not a fair question, since God had said in the previous chapter that they could eat of the fruit of all the trees of the Garden except one. Secondly, it was phrased negatively - has God said you may not eat. God's original statement was phrased positively - you may eat. Satan's phrasing would immediately make one question the will and the affection of God.

As a loving daughter, Eve tried to defend her Father: "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die'" (Genesis 3:2, 3). In her retort, Eve misquoted God. God never said that Adam and Eve could not touch the fruit. In fact, according to the Biblical account, Eve hadn't been created when God gave this particular command. Eve had received her information from Adam. We don't know if Adam told Eve she shouldn't touch the fruit. Perhaps he said that to her in order to ensure her protection, or maybe it was simply a miscommunication. Whatever it was, it caused a major problem, and I believe that the enemy knew it. He knew that Eve had not been given this directive first-hand, so he could manipulate the information to his benefit. It had nothing to do with Eve's physical, emotional, and spiritual strength.

Satan responded by saying, "You will not surely die... For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil" (Genesis 3:4, 5). We know what happened next: Eve's eyes were taken off the right path, and she was directed toward doing what she knew to be wrong. Then, she took the fruit. As soon as she touched it and didn't die, Eve must have felt that God was lying to her. She ate the fruit.

Satan was incredibly cunning. Not only did he question what God had said, he caused Eve to question her very identity. He told her that by eating the fruit, she would be like God. Eve had already been created in God's image. She couldn't become any more like God.

One of the questions that comes to mind when pondering these things is... what was Adam doing while his wife was thus tempted? In Genesis 3:6, we find the answer: "When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it" (emphasis mine). Adam - who had heard God's original command - didn't step in to correct the serpent's sly accusations. Adam didn't protect his wife when her existence was being attacked, and he didn't stop Eve from eating the fruit. This was a monumental failure on his part, and I believe that we have seen the consequences of Adam's inaction in the attitudes and lifestyles of men today. (That's a completely separate topic, however, and I will not address it here.)

Adam fails again when God confronts the couple about their sin. Instead of taking responsibility for his own actions, Adam says, "The woman you put here with me - she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it" (Genesis 3:12). Not only does Adam place blame on Eve, he subtly charges God with responsibility for his sin because God's creation had tempted him. I'm sure it must have been a rocky point in Adam and Eve's marriage.

God did not address this issue at that moment. Instead, He turned to Eve and asked for her version of the story. Eve told the truth: "The serpent deceived me, and I ate" (Genesis 3:13). She accepted the consequences of her actions, and she watched as an immovable barrier was constructed between her and her loving Creator.

Yes, Eve had sinned. She had messed up, erred, blundered, but she hadn't ruined everything. Neither had her husband - her partner in crime. There was hope on the horizon, and God loved His children too much to let them go that easily.