Through the Valley of Shadow and Death

It has been a long time since I last posted.  Since my last post, I've graduated from college, accepted a teaching position at a high school, and been on a turbulent roller coaster of emotions.  I've experienced dizzying highs and abysmal lows.  My heart has quickened with the feelings of love and devotion and has broken when they were taken away.  Over the past few months, I have loved, lost, rejoiced, and wept.  And God has been there through it all.

I do not always act the way I should.  I have failed when faced with temptation.  I sometimes - even with the best intentions - hurt those I love.  As much as I'd love to be the perfect Christian example, I often meet with disaster in spectacular fashion.

Sometimes I let the guilt and grief overwhelm me.  The darts of the enemy find their way underneath my armor and pierce my heart until I am almost conquered.  It is at these times that I must cling tightly to what I know is true.  It is now when I must hold fast, even when it appears that there is nothing to which I can hold.

I know that God is never angry at me.  His love and goodness inundate me and engulf me during my darkest moments.  It is when I fall that He shows Himself more powerful and present in my life than I could ever possibly imagine.  It is when I am at my weakest that He is at His strongest.  When I have nothing left, He replenishes me.

I once opened a fortune cookie to find in it the phrase, "The usefulness of a cup is found only in its emptiness."  It became the phrase that has illustrated my past few months so perfectly.  When everything is going well, I tend to fall into the trap of feeling self-sufficient.  I do not depend upon my heavenly Father as much as I need to.  Inevitably, something goes wrong, and I fall apart.

Please hear my heart: I am not saying that God caused these things to happen in my life to make me realize how much I need Him.  Any situation that pained me was a natural consequence to choices I made, but God never abandoned me.  In fact, I believe that He kept me from completely ruining myself, although I couldn't see it at the time.  I now can see His faithfulness evident in everything I experienced.  In every tear, in every throb of my aching heart, He was surrounding me with His love, peace, and comfort.  He moved my friends to action - praying for me and helping me stand when I could not on my own.  He is and always has been more than I could ever need or want.

Now I empty myself.  I empty myself of the guilt and the shame for which He has already forgiven me.  Once again, I surrender myself to God.  I cede my plans to my Father who only has the best in mind for me.  I embrace His nature, His love, and His design.  I may have to walk this road for a time, and I know there will be opportunities for me to fail again, but I have to keep walking.  Every day is a choice: a choice to do things God's way rather than my own.  I've experienced my way, and it's not worth it.  So I'll just keep walking.

God's Daughters: Eve, Part 2 - The Promise

Even as God meted out punishment for Adam and Eve's sin, He provided them with a hope for the future. Before God pronounced the consequences of their sin, He turned to the deceiver. In Genesis 3:15, God says to the serpent, "And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel."

Many biblical scholars believe that this was a prophecy about the coming Messiah - God's plan to redeem humanity. I don't think that anything we do surprises God. He knew that Judas was the one who would betray Him, but Jesus still washed the traitor's feet. I haven't found any Bible story in which God was stumped by something. He must have known that the humans He had created would esteem a serpent's advice above His loving guidelines. Instead of leaving them in their sin, God already had a plan in mind. He knew that He would one day send His own Son to suffer and die - to pay the price for humanity's sin - and to defeat the enemy once and for all.

God's incredible mercy is so amazing to me. Eve had sinned. Period. And yet, before her judgment was given, Eve knew it was through her line that salvation would come. She had given into the serpent's temptation, but her offspring would one day resist the serpent and crush his head. Her offspring would provide a more secure salvation - one dependent upon His perfect nature and not fragile humanity.

Adam and Eve's relationship with God was balanced upon a point: if they stayed away from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, they were safe. They had one rule to obey. It may seem easy to us, but anyone who has ever spent time with children knows that the forbidden is always an attractive option. In my babysitting adventures, I've learned never to tell a child to stay away from something. The moment your back is turned, he is on the move. Some people might ask, "If God didn't want them to disobey, why did He put that tree in the Garden?" I would counter with this question: is it really free will if you don't have a choice? God wanted a relationship with living, moving, breathing beings - not mindless robots. We had to be able to choose whether or not we desired that relationship.

When Jesus paid the price for our sin, He removed the barrier that existed between humans and God. The legacy of sin that began with Eve's mistake was ended with Jesus' sacrifice. Our salvation became based upon His death and resurrection rather than anything that we could ever do. Mistakes can never again alter our standing with God.

In the meantime, Eve had to face the consequences for her sin. I'm sure many of us know what those consequences were. I want to look at what happens next...

In Genesis 3: 20, Adam went back to doing what he had been told to do: naming all of creation. He gave Eve her title. If you'll notice, she had never been referred to by name until that point. "Eve" is actually the feminine form of the Hebrew word for "life." They had just experienced spiritual death (separation from God), and it had basically been Eve's fault. Yet, her husband still gave her a moniker that means "life."

Eve is also the first person on record to use the name of God. In Dr. Friedman's translation of Genesis 4:1, she gives birth to a son and says, "I've created a man with YHWH." Eve knew that she and God had worked together to produce this miracle. Clearly, she still felt an intimate link with her Creator.

Despite her circumstances, Eve's love for her Father never changed. She must have known that all was not lost. The one who had led her astray was not going to be allowed to reign over her children forever. Her loving God could bring good out of the mess she had made. Of course, we know how it turns out.

We all feel alone and abandoned sometimes. There are moments when we think that God is distant. Imagine how Eve must have been feeling, but she didn't let it beat her. This daughter of God kept pressing in - cultivating a precious connection with God that would sustain her through numerous hardships.

Whatever you are facing in your life, I encourage you to do the same. Don't let the mistakes of your past determine the course of your life. You are never far away from Him - just turn around, and there He is. Let your heavenly Father wash away the sting of what has happened and refresh you in His glorious light.

Friedman, Richard E. (2001). Commentary on the Torah with a New English Translation and the Hebrew Text. New York: HarperCollins Publishers.