To the rest of the world, the Pharisees looked great. They had the respect of everyone around them. They appeared to be in close fellowship with the Almighty God... and yet, they missed the most important part. They missed the coming of their Savior, the Messiah.
I began to think of my own life. To others, I'm sure I look great - just like the Pharisees. I don't talk badly about people behind their backs. I don't use swear words. I'm waiting to have sex until marriage. I go to church, and I respect my parents. On the outside, I look good! However, I know my heart. I know the things I think. I know the hidden things that come to mind when no one else can hear and see them.
I want to be completely transparent in this blog, and that's why I'm saying these things to you. Yes, I have cherished anger and unforgiveness. Yes, I have had lustful thoughts. I have let bad thoughts fester in my heart until they almost made me sick. Underneath this seemingly "good" exterior, I have had dark thoughts and feelings.
It would be so easy for me to become prideful in my "outside" life, and, believe me, it's happened! I get so many compliments from other people about what a strong Christian I am and how pure of heart I am. Sometimes I let it go to my head. In fact, it was hard for me to be transparent enough to type out the things I have struggled with. Do you see how much I value my image?
God knows all this about me. He knows every thought that passes through my mind. Nothing in my heart is hidden from Him. He couldn't care less about my outward appearance. And yet, He chooses to forgive me. No matter what I do, I cannot out-sin His grace and love. He loves me even in my sinfulness.
God's love is overwhelming. I know exactly what goes on in my heart, and that makes Christ's love come alive to me all the more. God loves me no matter what, but He also loves me too much to let me reside in my sinfulness.
The truth is, no one wants to be a Pharisee. No one makes a conscious choice to project an image over possessing a pure heart before God. Or, at least, I've never met anyone who does. I don't want to miss something that God is doing because I'm so focused on making myself look good.
For the past few months, I have been on a mission to root out and destroy the things that darken my heart. Although I still have a long way to go, the journey has begun. I know that the path will not be easy, and I will experience stumbles and falls along the way (how cliche does that sound?), but I also know that I desire a close relationship with God more than anything else. I don't want to be a Pharisee.
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